Corny Christian Kids' Music in the Car

Another Treatise on Family Fun

When I was in seventh grade, my brother Stephen dug a cassette tape out of the van’s center console titled Best of Veggie Tales. We played it, of course, because the van still had a cassette deck. We could sing along with every song – “throw-him-up-and-beat-him-up-and-get-him-outta-Babylon! (We could throw him in the dungeon, we could let him ROT. IN. JAIL.)”

OH NO - WHATCHA GONNA DO? (Veggie Tales has its own section on fandom.com, btw)

We listened to those songs over and over and over when we were little kids. Sloan family playlists also included Adventures in Odyssey and the latest WOW CD (I was quite partial to WOW 2006). But years later, when I started driving my own kids around, I reacted against this kind of content. I wanted our playlists to be different, to be more formal and more authentic.

My progression went like this:

Phase 1: That stuff is SO CORNY. There must be a better way to form kids in the faith.

Phase 2: In this car, it’s Handel, contemplative silence, or learning about adult conversation by listening to it respectfully.

Phase 3: Ok, I can see the utility of material that has children as a primary audience.

Phase 4: (me, from the driver’s seat) –  “Let us RUN, RUN, RUN – run with per-se-ve-rance/ Let us RUN, RUN, RUN – the race marked OUT for us!”  

Phase 3 started years ago, and Phase 4 gets better all the time. Right after Christmas, Jonny’s mom found a copy of G.T. and The Halo Express, Volume 4, which was a Hinds family van favorite from the 90s. This series features a crew of angels – Good Tidings (aka “G.T.”), Guardian, and Defender – who help the Hide and Seek Kids hide God’s Word in their hearts through catchy music. Apparently, the method works – a few Thanksgivings ago, Jonny and several of his siblings graced the table with a spontaneous rendition of G.T.’s “Joshua 1:9” – “For the LORD YOUR GOD will be WITH YOU, be WITH YOU, wherever you go – HEY HEY HEY!”

The Halo Express was warmly embraced by the occupants of our vehicle. My firstborn son always wants stories, and my firstborn daughter always wants songs. G.T. and his companions alternate between an ongoing story and Bible-verse jingles, so everyone is happy. The very best part, though, is watching Jonny’s reactions. He’ll chuckle at a joke he must have heard a hundred times when he was a kid, and then – miracle of miracles – he’ll turn the volume up. We have an ongoing difference of opinion about how loud the music can be in the car, but G.T. seems to have settled that, too.

It's beautiful when children are included in formal expressions of faith, but the strength of our faith isn’t measured by formality alone. Silliness has its place, too. On the day the Church celebrated Jesus’ baptism, we made chocolate covered strawberries. We briefly recounted the Gospel story in which Jesus was dipped in the Jordan river, and then we took turns proclaiming, “This is my beloved strawberry, in whom I am well pleased!”

As far as authenticity goes, corny Christian content doesn’t exactly shine a spotlight on the struggle of faith. Well, there’s that one Adventures in Odyssey episode about Horatio Spafford, but I’ll let you discover that for yourself. I’ve realized that my children will get “real-life-struggle” in spades throughout their lives. They grasp it already. What family doesn’t experience suffering? Having some Halo Express tucked away might give them – and me – a way to whistle in the darkness.

But I will say this – these thoughts only apply to corny music that you (the adult) enjoy. Listen to that stuff all carpool long. But get the corny music that you don’t like into the trash can at the next possible opportunity. There is a veritable ocean of content out there. Tolerating corny children’s content that you hate is just as bad as subjecting your family to content that is “good for them” but that you can’t stand. If you’re listening to Oedipus Rex in the original Greek, but it makes you want to tear your eyes out, you’re better off with Veggie Tales. Singing vegetables trump pretense, every day of the week.

The animals, the animals, they came in by TWOSIES TWOSIES… (canvasartrocks.com)