I love your writing. I have adult children but remember feeling so overwhelmed about 20 years ago. I was working full time as health care provider (which meant way more than 40 hrs per week) and two babies close in age and I was drowning. Hired a housekeeper two times a month and I could then be happy mom instead of maniac mom. I also learned to never judge a mom for the decisions she makes but to support her and encourage her instead.
Thank you so much, Carol! I am so grateful for the perspective of someone who has been there and is open about the support they received. Something I think about, too, is that when we ask for help, other people benefit--housekeepers need clients, working at gym daycare is a good job for a college student, etc.
Benita is still on our Christmas card list and is now a client of my husband. He is glad to be able to help her now in her retirement. She retired maybe 15 yrs ago. God blesses us with people and we in turn can bless others.
We also recently discovered Trident Tropical Twist and I'm here to say it's an absolute GAME CHANGER! 😂 I will also be happily downloading every attachment in this post. THANK YOU! May the odds be ever in your favor this summer!
It is so much better than their bubblegum. I don't know why? But it's been on the grocery order list every week for months 🙃. I'm so glad the attachments will be helpful -- (insert Katniss salute gif here).
I’m so on board with you. I have four kids from 5-15 and I have spent years thinking I should be able to make [this situation] work. This summer I’m finally taking the pressure off and thinking about how maybe summer doesn’t have to feel like I’m dying. I work part time from home, my kids are usually in school so this is a big change. We’ve made choices other people don’t and I’m so over caring. Also agree with you about not giving advice — I can now give advice to people with kids under 5 😂
This is so encouraging and i do appreciate that you are sharing your experience not trying to give advice from the thick of babies. I am expecting #5 & 6 and feel like i have forgotten all i used to do to make the days flow in summer. I printed your lists and bought a pool.
Congratulations on the TWINS. Hang in there!! Pregnant summer is its whole own thing, I think. All I want to do in the afternoon is nap (and sometimes I can?) but it's hard to create a flow when I'm also making a person...
Another insightful post! We joined our Y when our kids were a bit older so only our twins had access to the child care there but it was such a blessing to us! The Y continues to be an important part of our family's rhythms. I really believe kids benefit from seeing the examples of their parents regularly exercise. I started doing a Crossfit-type class there several years ago and my husband and oldest daughter now join me. We've become good friends with people there and we love working out along with our 18 year old. She had a stressful senior year last year with the college application process and working out together was a great way for me to connect with her especially then. (Other kids join sometimes too!) I also encourage moms to consider running as a hobby and social outlet since it can be flexible and easy to fit in around kids' schedules. Running has been so great for me physically and mentally. Now that I don't have little babies, we budget and plan for me to typically do two race events a year with other running mom friends and when I came home to my family after reaching a half-marathon goal this summer, they had a celebratory dinner waiting for me and it was such a sweet celebration.
I love this! Your family sounds close, and beautiful, and like you guys have a lot of fun together! I'm so excited to do workout classes with my kids someday!
Two kids under three was one of the hardest times for me--there were so many tears, so many days that felt "formless," lots of chaos and confusion... it sounds trite to say that it got better, but I would not go back to that time. Hang in there.
"But here’s what I will say: you don’t have to beat yourself up with the I should be able to make this work rigamarole before you start considering “funny third things,” whether for schooling or childcare or healthcare or exercise or therapy or meal planning or housekeeping or whatever it may be. “Should” is a mean thing to say to someone who’s just asked for help, and that goes for the conversations taking place in your own head, too."
I want to throw my computer across the room with most things I read about "how I have a village or get breaks or do anything as a mom" but yours...... I always appreciate yours.
Will legitimately be looking into this, and maybe even the pool idea for dates.
I'm ridiculously privileged when it comes to how many people are helping us, some of that was the sheer dumb luck of having a crisis at the right moment. I know (peripherally, of course), that you're dealing with a different deck of cards, and count this as hope and prayers that you can find what you need exactly where you are.
The pool is clutch. No better time to go than September (ours stays open until there's been a certain number of "low temp" days in a row). *Very* possible that the littles will have a bit of a time of it adjusting to something like this (I had one who stared at the door for, like, a very long time), but I think of this as a "whole family" solution when I weigh the costs and benefits.
I love hearing all the support you have and seek out. Also footnote 3 really makes a big big deal! I’m in a rural, low-income area with a culture of broken/blended families which are still pretty small, along with a group of homeschool moms my age all in the same boat as each other haha. Anyway the resources here are slim, but I’m sure it’s really a huge thing to look for when families have the option of relocation!
Neither of us would have anticipated being in an (ENORMOUS and continuing to sprawl!) suburban area forever (I think all of us suburbanites kind of daydream about living somewhere with space), but there are decided benefits, one of which is some older friends with daughters who babysit. Doesn't exactly grow on trees.
This is a good reminder to me that some of the solutions that I lean on just don't work in certain circumstances... prayers that you can find what you need, in the church and elsewise.
Hahaha yes there are certainly trade-offs! And thanks to you I’m calculating the commute to the nearest city with ymca childcare. ;) Worth considering!
I love your writing. I have adult children but remember feeling so overwhelmed about 20 years ago. I was working full time as health care provider (which meant way more than 40 hrs per week) and two babies close in age and I was drowning. Hired a housekeeper two times a month and I could then be happy mom instead of maniac mom. I also learned to never judge a mom for the decisions she makes but to support her and encourage her instead.
Thank you so much, Carol! I am so grateful for the perspective of someone who has been there and is open about the support they received. Something I think about, too, is that when we ask for help, other people benefit--housekeepers need clients, working at gym daycare is a good job for a college student, etc.
Thank you for your kind words!
Benita is still on our Christmas card list and is now a client of my husband. He is glad to be able to help her now in her retirement. She retired maybe 15 yrs ago. God blesses us with people and we in turn can bless others.
We also recently discovered Trident Tropical Twist and I'm here to say it's an absolute GAME CHANGER! 😂 I will also be happily downloading every attachment in this post. THANK YOU! May the odds be ever in your favor this summer!
It is so much better than their bubblegum. I don't know why? But it's been on the grocery order list every week for months 🙃. I'm so glad the attachments will be helpful -- (insert Katniss salute gif here).
I’m so on board with you. I have four kids from 5-15 and I have spent years thinking I should be able to make [this situation] work. This summer I’m finally taking the pressure off and thinking about how maybe summer doesn’t have to feel like I’m dying. I work part time from home, my kids are usually in school so this is a big change. We’ve made choices other people don’t and I’m so over caring. Also agree with you about not giving advice — I can now give advice to people with kids under 5 😂
This is so encouraging and i do appreciate that you are sharing your experience not trying to give advice from the thick of babies. I am expecting #5 & 6 and feel like i have forgotten all i used to do to make the days flow in summer. I printed your lists and bought a pool.
Congratulations on the TWINS. Hang in there!! Pregnant summer is its whole own thing, I think. All I want to do in the afternoon is nap (and sometimes I can?) but it's hard to create a flow when I'm also making a person...
Have fun in the pool!
Popsicles stick activities are a generational staple. What we did before “ swiping “
There is such an enormous hole in the backyard, I should probably check and make sure they didn't hit anything important.
Idea jar. Fabulous. Glad your window is all better 😁
I'm so glad you were there to help me in my time of NEED. Hahahaha. Thunderbird practice = worth it
Another insightful post! We joined our Y when our kids were a bit older so only our twins had access to the child care there but it was such a blessing to us! The Y continues to be an important part of our family's rhythms. I really believe kids benefit from seeing the examples of their parents regularly exercise. I started doing a Crossfit-type class there several years ago and my husband and oldest daughter now join me. We've become good friends with people there and we love working out along with our 18 year old. She had a stressful senior year last year with the college application process and working out together was a great way for me to connect with her especially then. (Other kids join sometimes too!) I also encourage moms to consider running as a hobby and social outlet since it can be flexible and easy to fit in around kids' schedules. Running has been so great for me physically and mentally. Now that I don't have little babies, we budget and plan for me to typically do two race events a year with other running mom friends and when I came home to my family after reaching a half-marathon goal this summer, they had a celebratory dinner waiting for me and it was such a sweet celebration.
I love this! Your family sounds close, and beautiful, and like you guys have a lot of fun together! I'm so excited to do workout classes with my kids someday!
My gym childcare keeps me sane and strong 💪🏻
Love it!
This is definitely the most realistic and helpful piece on motherhood + summer I’ve ever read! Thanks! 🌻
Thank you, Sarah, that means so much to me! I feel like summer is "the best of times, the worst of times" in a lot of ways.
''Should' is a mean thing to say to someone who’s just asked for help, and that goes for the conversations taking place in your own head, too."
I "only" have two kids (under three), and I've been struggling. Need to write this out and plaster it at eye level in like seven places in my house.
Two kids under three was one of the hardest times for me--there were so many tears, so many days that felt "formless," lots of chaos and confusion... it sounds trite to say that it got better, but I would not go back to that time. Hang in there.
Hearing that is actually so encouraging, thank you!
"But here’s what I will say: you don’t have to beat yourself up with the I should be able to make this work rigamarole before you start considering “funny third things,” whether for schooling or childcare or healthcare or exercise or therapy or meal planning or housekeeping or whatever it may be. “Should” is a mean thing to say to someone who’s just asked for help, and that goes for the conversations taking place in your own head, too."
I want to throw my computer across the room with most things I read about "how I have a village or get breaks or do anything as a mom" but yours...... I always appreciate yours.
Will legitimately be looking into this, and maybe even the pool idea for dates.
That means the world to me, Haley 💖.
I'm ridiculously privileged when it comes to how many people are helping us, some of that was the sheer dumb luck of having a crisis at the right moment. I know (peripherally, of course), that you're dealing with a different deck of cards, and count this as hope and prayers that you can find what you need exactly where you are.
The pool is clutch. No better time to go than September (ours stays open until there's been a certain number of "low temp" days in a row). *Very* possible that the littles will have a bit of a time of it adjusting to something like this (I had one who stared at the door for, like, a very long time), but I think of this as a "whole family" solution when I weigh the costs and benefits.
You are doing great.
I love hearing all the support you have and seek out. Also footnote 3 really makes a big big deal! I’m in a rural, low-income area with a culture of broken/blended families which are still pretty small, along with a group of homeschool moms my age all in the same boat as each other haha. Anyway the resources here are slim, but I’m sure it’s really a huge thing to look for when families have the option of relocation!
Neither of us would have anticipated being in an (ENORMOUS and continuing to sprawl!) suburban area forever (I think all of us suburbanites kind of daydream about living somewhere with space), but there are decided benefits, one of which is some older friends with daughters who babysit. Doesn't exactly grow on trees.
This is a good reminder to me that some of the solutions that I lean on just don't work in certain circumstances... prayers that you can find what you need, in the church and elsewise.
Hahaha yes there are certainly trade-offs! And thanks to you I’m calculating the commute to the nearest city with ymca childcare. ;) Worth considering!