Maybe I Do Have Enough Time
I tracked my time for week. Here's what I learned.
I’m a stay-mostly-at-home mother of six children under the age of ten. I’ve been tracking my time for the last week—that is, writing down exactly how I spent my hours, in as small as 15-minute increments.
One of the reasons I took pen to time-tracker was because I’m just out of that “fourth trimester,” so I’m just starting to notice my surroundings again. Another reason was because I want to stop telling my nine-year-old son “no” when he asks if people can come over for brunch after mass. Sunday rolls around, and I’m worried that the house is not tidy enough for guests, especially the rather dangerous hallway/children’s/guests’ bathroom. The first thing I need to do is get over myself (paper plates and Clorox wipes exist for a reason, also, we have the best coffee in the world), but I also want to spend more of my time ensuring that the house can fulfill one of its primary functions: hospitality.
To understand more about why that bathroom is such a disaster, I decided to look at my time very, very closely. (You could have just cleaned the bathroom, I hear you saying, and, reader, you are correct.) The time tracker I’m using was designed by Laura Vanderkam, an author who was on Sarah Mackenzie’s podcast a couple weeks ago. Last week, I mistakenly wrote that it was Sally Clarkson’s podcast, but seeing as I am only peripheral to the homeschool world, I hope you’ll understand. On the podcast, Vanderkam talked about her book Tranquility by Tuesday (birds’ eye view is that this book is probably her most apt one for SMAHMs like me). I ended up placing that one on hold on Libby and ordering a copy of 168 Hours. She talks about time tracking in both books, though.
Here’s the tracker from Vanderkam’s website.
And here’s a fun (free) visualization tool that someone made!
In the name of full transparency, I’m writing this on Thursday, when I’m only halfway through a fully time-tracked week. I’ve been writing down what I’ve done almost every hour, which is its own kind of hilarious. This time tracking is really… taking up a lot of time. And it’s not even fully accurate. The only way to get a completely accurate picture of how I spent one of my weeks would be to consent to complete hidden surveillance. My behavior changed the moment I started tracking. My phone use plummeted, because I didn’t want to have to write down on this sheet that I had been “messing around on my phone for 30 minutes, not attending to the thing I meant to do when I got on the phone in the first place.”
That doesn’t mean it’s not useful, though. Several insights surfaced. This week, we had a delayed start to school due to snow, a dishwasher on the fritz, and a toddler who does not want to sleep in a bed. So, pretty normal week, in which I learned…
We’re in the kitchen at least seven times a day, counting hot drinks and bedtime snacks. I’m making peace with this by keeping the dishes keep moving and anticipating snacks (boring snacks, apples and peanut butter in the morning and carrots and dip in the afternoon, or maybe oatmeal for the little boys, who *cannot* make it to a 6:00 p.m. dinner without a snack).
Plenty of time goes toward what I took to marking down as “OTDH” and “ITDH”—“Out the Door Hustle” and “In the Door Hustle.” It may take 10 minutes to drive to the church for Children’s adoration with my youngest three children, but it takes 20 minutes to get in the car. Getting back out of the car at home is its own thing, too. Also—the hustle is way, way easier if my older children are there. Turns out, the two-year-old does not mind so much if it’s an older sibling who tells him to get in the car.
Opening my phone costs at minimum five minutes, even to answer one text message. Getting on the computer takes at least fifteen, and that does not even guarantee that I’ve addressed what I got on there to do.
Family life is like virtue muscle confusion. I never know what emotional need is going to present itself next. I don’t know when someone is going to have a tantrum, or a difficult question, or drop a heart-rending observation. What did he just say about recess? It’s no wonder that some of the to-do’s get shuffled off the list. There are other priorities, which all take the form of “interruptions.”
Remaining in the same part of the house for a certain block of time might be more useful for me than making a list of chores. There are so many 10-15 minute tasks and activities—dishes, read aloud, diaper change, sourdough (I’m back at it, we’ll see how long this lasts), clean the sliding door glass—that achieving any kind of “in this block of time, I do ____” might require some “outside the checkbox” thinking.
What about you? If you’ve ever tracked time, I want to hear about it! Feel free to leave a comment or send me an email. Here’s a google form, too, if you’d rather be more anonymous:
I’m keeping this open until Valentine’s Day, then I’ll return to the topic the following week with a mini-meta-analysis (the final post on time use, I promise—well, for now, at any rate).
The purpose of doing this is not to “crack the code,” it’s to see the patterns. Efficiency is not the end-all, be-all characteristic of a wife and a mother (or anybody else). Perseverance and courage are both more important. St. Paul tells us that “love never fails,” and this is not because love does things in the optimal order; it’s because love refuses to quit. I’ll acquiesce that some measures of efficiency can make perseverance a little easier, and it’s worth pursuing for that reason. But I will not insinuate that some kind of “perfect schedule” exists for a woman who’s staying home with children.
Consider: if someone else was taking care of your children, say, for three hours, they’d write down on their time tracker: “Took care of children.” For that whole space of time. Maybe they’re also planning your meals and organizing your front closet, but I’d hazard a guess that they aren’t. You are already doing so much. SO MUCH. Maybe noticing this in a more active way for a very short period (like a day or a week at the very most) could help you realize just how much credit you need to give yourself.
On the Calendar: Fourth Week in Ordinary Time
🏔️ you are exactly where you are meant to be, and you are already doing more than you think 🏔️
Here’s the Gospel, from Matthew 5:1-12 🪽. I’m going to bold the dialogue, and it’s almost all dialogue:
When Jesus saw the crowds, he went up the mountain,
and after he had sat down, his disciples came to him.
He began to teach them, saying:
"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the land.
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the clean of heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you
and utter every kind of evil against you falsely because of me.
Rejoice and be glad,
for your reward will be great in heaven."
The very corny one-minute reflection here is that our God loves a turnaround. Those who mourn will be comforted.
Now! The poll, on baptism candles, from several weeks ago, elicited the following insight: 88% percent of readership either does (59%) or does not (29%) know where the baptism candles are. This means… something like 12% of my readers don’t have baptism candles, which makes me very, very excited! Because ecumenism is a big deal to me. So now I have to know more. If you are willing to do so, would you please identify your religious affiliation here… (and thank you in advance!).
I recognize that there are some protestant affiliations who also use baptism candles… here we GO.
“You are already doing SO MUCH.” Thank you. I just printed the sheet and documented the past 12 hours. I can’t believe how many different things I (and other moms) am doing even within a 15-minute block of time. Like, put away lunch and assign tasks to each child in exchange for a cookie (including wiping down the bathroom counter and sinks in hopes of achieving that clean bathroom!), and help with the vacuum, and redirect the toddler….
It’s so much. Thanks for sharing this. The 168hours link in this post didn’t work for me but I just went back to last week’s post.
Meredith, just came to say that the $5 bento boxes I got at HEB and half an hour of chopping fruits and veggies once a week has changed the way I function for lunches and snacks! Each kid gets enough random fruits-veggies-carbs-proteins-fats-treats to fill the four spaces in their lunchbox and then I just put it in the fridge until they want it. On my best days, I do it the night before so it's ready to go when they ask. Because like you said, OH MY GOSH, the snacks and drinks and meals feel endless sometimes.